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It wasn't in His Plan.


I remember this time last year just as if it were yesterday.

It was a Thursday night, and we received a call about an adoption situation; a little boy was surrendered at the hospital by his parents. They felt they were unable to parent him because of a diagnosis of Down syndrome. The baby was in Florida, and the agency handling the situation had no families will to take him, because of his diagnosis.

The agency reached out to a Consulting Agency, who got in contact with Choosing Hope. Our phone rang, and Angela was providing details, emailing over information and pictures. And finally, we were in touch with this adoption agency in Florida.

Very soon after talking with Angela, we were on the phone with someone in Florida. We were given many details, and I remember the very last detail, it hit us like a ton of bricks. Thirty-thousand dollars.

My heart sank. I knew we barely had half of that. Immediately my head spoke before I allowed my heart; it just wouldn’t be possible. They needed the money. It seemed as if that was the most important aspect of all that was being discussed, however; that little baby boy; his dark skin, and big eyes- that is all I could focus on. I got off the phone just about breathless, and my heart spoke up. If this was what God has had planned for us, he would make a way. It didn’t matter the cost, we knew He would make a way.

We prayed, we talked, and we decided, yes, we will do it. We don’t know how, but we will do it.
We made the phone call, many questions were asked. And we were told we would know more the next day, Friday.

Friday came, and our hearts were anxiously awaiting any news. We went to work, knowing that at any moment that day, we could get a call, and need to be in route to Florida. The day passed by, ever so slowly. We had a camping trip planned for that weekend, but we were ready to call if off, as soon as that call came.

We got home, and continued to wait.

Evening was setting in, and no word. My heart felt something wasn’t right. Kevin and I decided to go ahead and pack up and go camping. If we got the call, we would just go home, and leave to head to meet this sweet baby boy who would be our son.
We got settled in for camping, and I got a text, very late from the agency in Florida. She informed me that one of their families had now come forward, willing to take in this precious baby.

My heart hurt. How could this happen? We were so close. So, so close.

I felt sick.
I was so sad.

Kevin and I just kept questioning all of this. How could a family come forward after first saying no? None of the agency families stepped up. But now there was one? Was it because they had the money, and they were just tired of waiting, wondering if their time would ever come? I didn’t understand.
“God, are you sure we are really made for this?” All the pain, and uncertainties? “God, where are you in all of this?” “Have you forgotten about us?”

We prayed hard that night. And we wept. It was a hard, hard night. I remember feeling broken. I remember questioning Him.

But then I remember, waking up that next morning with a song on my heart, and a peace in my spirit. This was not the child that God intended for our family.

He had a plan. And we just needed to trust Him. We just needed to wait a little longer.

Little did we know, just two short months later, our daughter would be born. Had this situation worked out, Emmarie would have never been a part of our story.

But we know that’s not how the story goes.

His ways are always better than our ways.

And so I want to say this to you today…if you are facing a time in your life where you just aren’t sure; you just don’t know what his plan is for your life; hang on a little longer. It might not be two months, it might be longer, or it could just be right around the corner.

I can promise you this. If you are seeking Him, truly seeking Him. And if you trust Him, truly trust Him. He will help you see that it all makes sense. Be still and wait on Him. Take time to look around at what you have right in front of you. Take joy in the waiting. Waiting is hard. Patience is hard. But in it, He’s going teach you something. He’s going to give you far more than you could ever imagine.

Emmarie. 
It’s all because of Emmarie. 
All the pain we endured – all the “no’s” we faced from birth mothers. All the “I’m sorry, she chose another family,” all the “keep the faith, He’s got a plan, it will happen in His time.” All of those things had to happen, for us to get to where we would be in November of 2017.

Hang on friend. He’s still there, I promise you.

Emmarie. 
All because of Emmarie and her birth mama; all along – it was because of them. And now, my heart understands. And my heart is overflowing with thankfulness for His plan. A plan that was far better than mine.

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