rooted and grounded in love.

I started this blog back in September of 2016 as we were headed into the thick of adoption; the applications, and paperwork, the home studies, fingerprinting, the well water checks, and fire inspections. I wanted this to be a space where we shared with you, our journey- we chose to open up our lives, and this calling placed on our lives to those we love. You've followed along, walked beside us, you've cheered us on, and prayed with us, you may have even shared in the sadness and disappointments that we faced while waiting for a baby to be placed in our lives. Every situation we were faced with, each "no" that was spoken was leading us to Emmarie. We've spent the last two years enjoying our lives as a family of three- I stopped writing, and even shut the blog completely down for about eight months. I needed a break- but I feel it's time to get back at it. I'm thankful you're here. Towards the end of 2018 we prayerfully considered renewing our hom...

I found myself staring at her; taking in her every detail. Her sweet face, those beautiful eyes, her hands and just how big they're getting, her hair, that smile. I find myself doing that more and more these days. But this time was different. As I looked at her right then- it took me back to when we first met her birth mom. During those moments of savoring every detail, I saw past Emmarie; I saw her birth mom. So many days my heart aches with the desire to know her more; to truly be friends. To meet up for lunch, or coffee- to have a play date at the park, where Emmarie and her birth siblings play, while we sit and chat and watch them explore, and have fun together. How differently these thoughts are now that Emmarie is in our lives. Before Emmarie, we were scared of open adoption. We were fearful of knowing her. Would she try to take her away from us? Would she want to know too much? Would we hear from her every day? Would that communication/relationship interfere...

A few days ago, Kevin came to me, and he said, “Babe, do you know what it does to my heart when Emmarie goes through the house searching high and low for me, saying ‘da-da’.” Tears began to stream down his face, and I said, “yes dear, I know what it does to your heart- because it does the same thing to mine.” He said, “I have so much I want to say about being a dad, to not only Emmarie but Harlee and Sydnie. Do you think that you could write something from what you think it would be from my point of view?” Emmarie came running in the bedroom right after that conversation, and I never said yes or no that I could or would do that. But I’ve thought a lot about it over the past few days. Kevin never asks much of me. He is such a great helpmate; he does more than his share, and so I wanted to do this for him. Being a dad- from my perspective, for him… Sometimes we paint this picture of what our lives will look like. We fall in love, we dream of the future. We have families and j...

It was dark, the tv quiet; I found myself sitting in the chair a little after 8 o’clock, holding my daughter while she drank her bedtime bottle. I brushed her hair and cheek softly with my hand, as I stared down at her sweet little face.   I thought to myself, “what did I do to deserve her?”   For years I knew that I could never bear a child of my own. I knew that I would likely never be a mama. But there I sat, holding a beautiful little girl who calls me mama. Every night for the past four hundred and thirty one days- since Emmarie came home to be with us forever; she has fallen asleep before bed in my arms. As her mama, I know how she prefers to lay, what blankie she likes the most, what songs she likes sung to her, and what books she likes read. I know that when putting her to sleep it’s not long before her little arm begins to wander and ends up just under my left arm, slightly hugging my side. She falls asleep this way every single night. She is not...

Mama “C” gave us the most precious gift we could ever receive; and so many times we find ourselves feeling incapable of fully thanking her for the gift of love she gave our family- Emmarie. We hope that this small token of love might provide her with comfort and solace this holiday season. I can only imagine the absence of a birth child during the holidays- the pain resurfaces, fueling intense sadness and loneliness. About a week ago, I emailed mama “C” asking her if she was comfortable sharing her address with us; that we had a Christmas gift we’d like to send her. Unsure if she’d be willing to share that, I also told her if she wasn’t comfortable with the idea that I was sure Choosing Hope would help get the package to her. We received a response the same day. She sent us her address! She thanked us for remembering her this Christmas season. As I’ve spent the last month or so thinking about what we might give to her, I kept coming back to peace. Peace doesn’t mean to be...

Some days we’re winning and some days, we’re not necessarily losing, we’re just not winning. After work, I washed up baby bottles, prepared bottles for the evening, got the formula all measured up. I even managed to get the diaper bag ready for the day tomorrow, prepare lunches for work, and got one load of three, folded. This doesn’t happen every day. It used to, though. I used to seem to have it all together- before Emmarie came along. I always stayed on top of laundry, and things around the house. The grocery list was always up to date, and our fridge, and cabinets- always full of food. I always felt like I was doing well. Nowadays, laundry happens less often, and the fridge; well, it always seems to be empty. I snap at my husband more; and it’s always over the silliest things. I think back on it later, and feel terrible for not being nicer to him. He really does do a great job. He shares in everything; dishes, laundry, dinner, helping with Emmarie. He’s one in a million...