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Being her Mama.


It was dark, the tv quiet; I found myself sitting in the chair a little after 8 o’clock, holding my daughter while she drank her bedtime bottle. I brushed her hair and cheek softly with my hand, as I stared down at her sweet little face.

 I thought to myself, “what did I do to deserve her?”  

For years I knew that I could never bear a child of my own. I knew that I would likely never be a mama. But there I sat, holding a beautiful little girl who calls me mama.

Every night for the past four hundred and thirty one days- since Emmarie came home to be with us forever; she has fallen asleep before bed in my arms. As her mama, I know how she prefers to lay, what blankie she likes the most, what songs she likes sung to her, and what books she likes read. I know that when putting her to sleep it’s not long before her little arm begins to wander and ends up just under my left arm, slightly hugging my side. She falls asleep this way every single night.

She is not flesh of my flesh, she does not share my genetics, or my DNA- but I believe we share hearts. She didn’t grow under my heart, she grew in it.

Our love for her is endless. 
We would do anything for this little girl. 

Emmarie is strong and determined- we knew she would be from the moment she was born. She fought to live, and so we’ve always known of her strength.

And she’s made me stronger. She’s made Kevin stronger. 

And she’s opened our eyes to so much more than we ever imagined. I will forever be thankful for her life, and the choice her birth mama made.





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