The words "open adoption" seem terrifying. They did to us anyways. An open adoption? Wouldn't that mean opening our home, giving the birth family a glimpse into our lives and sharing personal information about us?
That's not only what we thought, but what so many people perceive about open adoption.
Throughout our adoption journey, we read books, and were educated on what an open adoption can look like and the reasoning behind why open adoption is so important.
Kevin and I knew going into this that one day a birth mother, and maybe a birth family (birth mom and birth dad) would choose us. She would look at a profile book, and based upon the pictures we included in our profile, and information about ourselves we shared with them; choose us based on just that profile book. Sure they could ask our agency additional questions about us, or want to meet us before making their decision. But the point is, she-birth mom, or they-birth mom and birth dad; they said yes to us.
YES.
So why wouldn't we say yes to them. Yes not only to the child, but yes to keeping in contact with them; sharing important milestones, pictures, and memorable moments in the child's life.
Open adoption looks different for everyone. In our case, birth mom "C" asked to receive monthly updates on Emmarie, with pictures. And since Emmarie's birth, we've respected that request, and we send those monthly updates, with pictures. Her response is always positive, she is thankful that we send updates, and loves seeing pictures.
You see, in adoption there is so much loss. Yet, so much beauty. It's been said that adoption is beauty from ashes. A birth mother who makes an adoption plan for her child is not giving up her child, she is making a plan. She is hoping and dreaming for his or her future. She is giving them a life she knows she cannot. And she gets to choose who parents this child.
We know that mama "C" has faced some very dark times. She has experienced such loss; much like grieving the death of a child. But, she is thankful for the decision she made. Just today in an email exchange with mama "C", she told Kevin and I:
"Emmarie is beautiful and getting so big.You guys are perfect for her. I knew you guys were the best for her."
Mama "C" has shared pictures of her other children with us, and allowed us to see a glimpse into her life. In the future, if she wants to share in the big milestones, first birthday, ect. we are completely open to that. We look forward to the day that mama "C's" children can meet their sister Emmarie. And we long to spend time with them.
Open adoption is healing for birth mom/family, and for the adoptive family as well. While this is the happiest time of our lives, mama "C" is going through one of the hardest times of her life. It's a beautifully difficult dynamic. She gave life to her, and we are providing the life that mama "C" desires Emmarie to have.
We are a family.
Not every adoption as I said is the same. Some birth mothers/families choose to have a closed adoption, they desire no contact. And sometimes with open adoption, it gets to be too much and birth mom/family asks that no more updates/pictures are sent.
I am thankful that the Lord changed out hearts, and opened our eyes to open adoption. I can't imagine not allowing mama "C" to be a part of our lives. She said yes to us. And we say yes to her. We love her. She is just as much a part of us as Emmarie.
God knew it would be mama "C". God knew Emmarie would be ours. His master plan always exceeds what we think is best.
God gave his son Jesus. I cannot imagine having a relationship with Jesus, without having one with God. Think about it.
Amber
That's not only what we thought, but what so many people perceive about open adoption.
Throughout our adoption journey, we read books, and were educated on what an open adoption can look like and the reasoning behind why open adoption is so important.
Kevin and I knew going into this that one day a birth mother, and maybe a birth family (birth mom and birth dad) would choose us. She would look at a profile book, and based upon the pictures we included in our profile, and information about ourselves we shared with them; choose us based on just that profile book. Sure they could ask our agency additional questions about us, or want to meet us before making their decision. But the point is, she-birth mom, or they-birth mom and birth dad; they said yes to us.
YES.
So why wouldn't we say yes to them. Yes not only to the child, but yes to keeping in contact with them; sharing important milestones, pictures, and memorable moments in the child's life.
Open adoption looks different for everyone. In our case, birth mom "C" asked to receive monthly updates on Emmarie, with pictures. And since Emmarie's birth, we've respected that request, and we send those monthly updates, with pictures. Her response is always positive, she is thankful that we send updates, and loves seeing pictures.
You see, in adoption there is so much loss. Yet, so much beauty. It's been said that adoption is beauty from ashes. A birth mother who makes an adoption plan for her child is not giving up her child, she is making a plan. She is hoping and dreaming for his or her future. She is giving them a life she knows she cannot. And she gets to choose who parents this child.
We know that mama "C" has faced some very dark times. She has experienced such loss; much like grieving the death of a child. But, she is thankful for the decision she made. Just today in an email exchange with mama "C", she told Kevin and I:
"Emmarie is beautiful and getting so big.You guys are perfect for her. I knew you guys were the best for her."
Mama "C" has shared pictures of her other children with us, and allowed us to see a glimpse into her life. In the future, if she wants to share in the big milestones, first birthday, ect. we are completely open to that. We look forward to the day that mama "C's" children can meet their sister Emmarie. And we long to spend time with them.
Open adoption is healing for birth mom/family, and for the adoptive family as well. While this is the happiest time of our lives, mama "C" is going through one of the hardest times of her life. It's a beautifully difficult dynamic. She gave life to her, and we are providing the life that mama "C" desires Emmarie to have.
We are a family.
Not every adoption as I said is the same. Some birth mothers/families choose to have a closed adoption, they desire no contact. And sometimes with open adoption, it gets to be too much and birth mom/family asks that no more updates/pictures are sent.
I am thankful that the Lord changed out hearts, and opened our eyes to open adoption. I can't imagine not allowing mama "C" to be a part of our lives. She said yes to us. And we say yes to her. We love her. She is just as much a part of us as Emmarie.
God knew it would be mama "C". God knew Emmarie would be ours. His master plan always exceeds what we think is best.
God gave his son Jesus. I cannot imagine having a relationship with Jesus, without having one with God. Think about it.
Amber
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